Thoughts of a Lifestyle Domme

Tag: Submission

BDSM Advice and Education

Why ‘Force Me To Submit’ Can Be A Red Flag

‘I need someone to force me to submit’ is yet another sentiment which shows up in my inbox surprisingly often. It has rubbed me the wrong way for as long as I can remember, but I couldn’t put my finger on why. After all, the rhetoric of force weaves itself

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BDSM Advice and Education

Why A Sub’s Inexperience Can Be a Red Flag

Inexperienced subs often cite said inexperience as the most significant barrier to finding a dominant. I’ve heard subs compare it to the Catch 22 posed by a lot of entry level jobs – everywhere you can get experience requires you to have experience already. Inexperience undoubtedly can count against a

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BDSM Advice and Education

Defining 24/7 and TPE

I would describe my dynamic as 24/7 TPE. This is often misunderstood, so I thought I’d attempt a definition.  First things first, it is worth nothing ’24/7′ and ‘TPE’ are two separate (although naturally interlinked) concepts. 24/7 refers to a dynamic in which there is no ‘off switch’. This means

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Memories

Making Him Ask for Punishment

Here’s a psychological experiment from fairly early on in our dynamic. ‘Turn your head,’ I said. He stared at me, side eyed and unmoving. I eyed him with mounting disapproval. ‘I’ll give you one more chance. Turn. Your. Head.’ Nothing. He was afraid I would bite him, leaving those blotchy

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On Sadism: The Smile

There is a smile I smile whenever I am in a sadistic vein. I can’t help it. It’s entirely involuntary. I can just feel my face doing it. I have tried to stop it. It’s impossible. My face is just set on doing it. I thought about it somewhat today,

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‘Can I be your sub?’

This particularly inane question comes in two main variants; either in the opening message, or after a few questions about me, with very little effort to engage with my answers. In short, if you’re asking, then the answer is very probably no. D/s dynamics develop organically, over time. They take

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On Mind Games

I have been fortunate enough to have the opportunity to explore some of the darker, CNC parts of D/s, which has included quite a lot of rather delicious mind fuckery. The high has been intense and beautiful. It has however proven surprisingly difficult to talk about, because the first question

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Why I Dislike The ‘Narrative of Punishment’

Amongst the huge volume of badly written, presumptuous mental bio-hazards which end up in my inbox, ‘punish me, Mistress‘ is one which crops up exceedingly often. Every time I open a message like this, even before the exasperation manages to catch up to me, is just the thought ‘for what?!’

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‘Ask me anything’

I have been answering quite a large volume of messages recently, and I thought I would write some posts on the things which bother me most often, and why. I would think I am not the only Domme who is bothered by these, but your mileage may vary. ‘Ask me

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Vulnerability

Vulnerability is what, to my mind, defines submission. That is to say, it is the ingredient which elevates a series of acts, be they sexual, or otherwise, from a game to a facet of reality. It is a rather intangible thing and, while this is not my first attempt to

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