Tips for Writing a Great Femdom Personal Ad

The following is a guest post by u/JurisprudentMoll, a fellow mod of r/femdompersonals, originally posted as a How to Guide on Reddit.

For a variety of reasons, not least of which being Reddit’s recent behaviour, u/JurisprudentMoll has asked me to host these guides on here instead of Reddit. And I am very happy to oblige.

Enjoy.

Rosalie x

u/JurisprudentMoll’s Tips on How to Write a Personal Ad

I’ve spent a significant amount of time reading personals from dommes and subs trying to find a meaningful connection, and honestly the quality of what people write is shockingly low.

If I have messaged you, my post probably isn’t aimed at you. This is for the literal hundreds of subs that I’ve not contacted.

Although I honestly think I’m a pretty great domme, I also understand that there is a wide variety of styles and types; I do not have the 100% answer and do not speak for everyone, I’m not coming from a place of arrogance, but holy fuck some of you need to something.

So, as a domme, when I’m looking for subs, here’s what I want to see:

A varied post history

A well-rounded user account that isn’t exclusively posting on personals subreddits, but involved in other (kink and optionally non-kink) subreddits, over a longer period of time. I want a sub who is consistent, stable, not likely to ghost, and has a wider range of interests and personality than just ‘desperately seeking’ a domme.

There are LOADs of other subreddits where you can comment and express opinions, I want to see that as well as your personal posts. I’m not saying only use your main account. I’m saying you should use your slutty-account to do more than just look for a partner.

Good spelling, grammar and punctuation

Aim for coherent, well structured sentences, with correct grammar and minimal abbreviations – if you use phrases like “hmu” non-ironically, I’m probably going to skip your personal. If I tend to see somebody writing “i’m” instead of “I’m”, I’m also probably going to skip it.

This is about you presenting the best version of yourself, to really sell yourself, and if you’re not going to put in some effort in to even use auto-correct, I’m not going to be bothered to invest my time and emotional energy into you as a sub.

Much like with the well-rounded user account, I also want to see that in your post. Yes, you are a submissive, but you are also a person, and for any kind of decent connection parties have to be able to get a feel for each other beyond “pls tell me when to cum mistress” – I like to know what you do in your free time (even if it’s not too thrilling). I want to know about some of your aspirations, what your values are – these things matter for a real healthy connection.

Pictures

While I understand that sharing photos may not be an option for all, sharing a photo can make you stand out.

Personally, I need to see what you look like. Keep in mind that attraction is subjective – I am part of a community which has more active, real dommes than any others I’ve been in, and I swear to you, no matter what you look like, there is a domme for you somewhere who will find you attractive but I need to know if I’m likely to be attracted to you.

Obviously, pictures are better to include in your post, but at least give a sentence to tell me about how you look, your body size, your hair colour, height. If you feel shame about how you look, force yourself to be open about it so that people self-filter; for example, if you’re a larger person, why hide it and keep exposing yourself to rejection from people who aren’t into bigger people? Just say straight up that you’re a larger person, and let the people who are okay with, or into, your body type come to you.

When it does come to pictures, take a decent pictures. Here is a pretty solid guide for how to take good selfies (and it applies to faceless pictures too), but TL:DR – use natural, bright lighting, take 40 pictures from different angles which show off as much of yourself as you’re comfortable with, and delete your least favourite 35 of them. Do this repeatedly on different days, in different situations (e.g., outside, inside, blah blah) until you have a decent collection of varied pictures of yourself.

Quality over quantity

I would suggest not writing too much. Honestly, I’ve seen posts that are PAGES of text, literally 8,000 words and that’s too much. A personal ad is supposed to offer a broad flavour of you so potential partners can see if you might be worth exploring with. I don’t need your whole life history to do this; writing too much suggests that you’re going to be too intense as a sub.

Equally, your post needs to has some substance -writing too little suggests you’re looking for a fast and easy kink-dispenser.

Don’t get too hung up on online dating

Understand that the secret to dating is that… none of it matters, over a long enough period of time, you (and everyone) will meet somebody, or multiple people romantically or sexually. How and when people meet is entirely random chance, and to mentally deal with it; let go and lean into the chaos and randomness of it all. All you can do is maximise the chaos, maximise the number of random connections, increase the amount of uncontrolled encounters you have with people – make posts here, go to meetup groups, join discord servers, make new friends, do all the hobbies, talk to people at bars (without hitting on them), talk to people at bars (and hit on them), spend time with co-workers or fellow students, arrange nights out, host social gatherings, whatever – just increase the amount of entropy and with that will increase the amount of changes you will just… chaotically meet somebody new.

Stop feeding the trolls

Holy shit, I swear, I know how much it can suck to be a submissive guy and it can seem like we’re all trapped in this race-to-the-bottom, but it doesn’t have to be like that.

While we do our best to limit the amount of spammers and scammers on r/femdompersonals, we can only do so much. But you have to remember, scammers and spammers are only quite so pervasive because they get responses. 

So, if a domme’s post doesn’t:

• meet the basic requirements set out here;
• meet your requirements; or
• contains some of the many other red flags;

don’t reply to it. It’s not worth it.

Being a sub doesn’t mean having no self-respect. If you skip the adverts from the clearly sketchy dommes – from new accounts, with no effort or consideration put into them – you will make it a bit less worthwhile for those kinds of people to post those kinds of things.

Not to mention, the risks of ignoring red flags – you might get ghosted, blackmailed, end up with someone abusive. It’s not worth it.

Don’t feed the trolls (and the catfish, scammers, and shit dommes).