Vulnerability is what, to my mind, defines submission. That is to say, it is the ingredient which elevates a series of acts, be they sexual, or otherwise, from a game to a facet of reality. It is a rather intangible thing and, while this is not my first attempt to write about it, it certainly won’t be my last.
As a starting point, I keep returning to what it isn’t: that is, something achievable through someone giving me a list of facts about themselves.
Now, I say this because that is exactly what I have received whenever I have attempted to explain this concept. This is rather to be expected from those who think of me a fetish dispenser, which will operate automatically once they satisfy a checklist of arbitrary requirements. But they are not the only ones who incessantly try to find some sort of shortcut, and honestly, I understand the enthusiasm – the moment when the barriers drop is, for me, undoubtedly one of the most deeply exciting things within the development of a dynamic.
It is the moment from which I can touch them in ways far beyond the momentary and physical. It is the moment from which my control begins to extend far beyond ropes and whips. In short, it is the moment when a true exchange of power begins.
The problem (or one of many problems) is that it is unlikely that most would be able to give me the roadmap I’d need to take a shortcut to that – few people have a sufficient understanding of themselves to know how to drop the barriers we all put up between ourselves and reality to survive, consciously and at once and, of those, an even smaller number are actually willing to.
That said, that is categorically not a bad thing. Yes, it means it takes time and patience for me to delve into someone’s psyche and to understand what really makes them tick, but that careful untangling of a sub is its own pleasure for me. More importantly, it also builds the necessary trust and mutual understanding for the dynamic to flourish.
So, whilst I’m not generally a patient person, I think it is safe to conclude that this is one of those things which just should not be rushed.
