If I happened to mention I am having a bad day in the course of conversation with a potential sub, I can usually expect something along the lines of ‘so take it out on me‘ in reply.
I’m sure 9 times out of 10 the sub saying that just wants to use it as a segue to fun kinky topics (and, ideally fun kinky fun), but the concept bothers me. There volumes to be said as to the relative right, wrong, and health and safety of using a sub as a stress ball.
But, more to the point, that is not how sadism works for me.
Yes, I enjoy inflicting pain but that enjoyment doesn’t come from anger, or any other emotion, for that matter. It is its own calm, specific pleasure. When I do get angry, for example, it’s fleeting. To use a cliché, it burns out, and it’s gone.
Whether that happens in five minutes or a few hours, sparkler or candle, it will always run out of fuel. Sadism, on the other hand, if I’m running with the analogies here, is more like an underground lake – perfectly still and calm, dark on the surface and yet somehow perfectly darker the deeper you get.
The two are not only separate, but fundamentally incompatible with one another. Sadism comes from a calm, happy, controlled place for me – it’s nothing to do with being unhappy or emotional.
It’s no outlet – just its own perfect pleasure.
