Thoughts of a Lifestyle Domme

Tag: Femdom

opened book on grey surface
Memories

Sunday Afternoon Reading: A Snapshot of Our Dynamic

I often get asked what a 24/7 TPE dynamic looks like. While there are, of course, times I subject my sub to various brilliantly sadistic torments, the majority of time we spend in space does not look like that that at all. For one thing, inflicting pain on someone is tiring.

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Black or white? Not my cup of tea
BDSM Advice and Education

RIP ‘Gentle Femdom’, An Outdated Term

Let me just preface this by saying, I am not out to criticise anybody who identifies with the GFD label in any way. I’m here to pick a bone with the term itself. Not only has the label outlived its usefulness, becoming more confusing than meaningful, but it has created

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black leather boot on white surface
General

Appearance Is Not The Foundation of Female Dominance

‘You want me, but you can’t have me. You’re not worthy,’ whispers the latex-clad dominatrix stereotype with her over-lined red lips. Her power stems in the fact she is an object of visual attraction. She is perfectly unattainable and therefore all the more desirable – a goddess on a pedestal

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BDSM Advice and Education

Why A Sub’s Inexperience Can Be a Red Flag

Inexperienced subs often cite said inexperience as the most significant barrier to finding a dominant. I’ve heard subs compare it to the Catch 22 posed by a lot of entry level jobs – everywhere you can get experience requires you to have experience already. Inexperience undoubtedly can count against a

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photo of spiral white stairs
BDSM Advice and Education

The Sub / Domme Ratio

‘The ratio’ of dommes to subs is a myth. So, why do so many male subs claim that finding a domme is impossible?

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person looking out through window
Memories

Making Him Ask for Punishment

Here’s a psychological experiment from fairly early on in our dynamic. ‘Turn your head,’ I said. He stared at me, side eyed and unmoving. I eyed him with mounting disapproval. ‘I’ll give you one more chance. Turn. Your. Head.’ Nothing. He was afraid I would bite him, leaving those blotchy

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On Sadism: The Smile

There is a smile I smile whenever I am in a sadistic vein. I can’t help it. It’s entirely involuntary. I can just feel my face doing it. I have tried to stop it. It’s impossible. My face is just set on doing it. I thought about it somewhat today,

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Why I Dislike The ‘Narrative of Punishment’

Amongst the huge volume of badly written, presumptuous mental bio-hazards which end up in my inbox, ‘punish me, Mistress‘ is one which crops up exceedingly often. Every time I open a message like this, even before the exasperation manages to catch up to me, is just the thought ‘for what?!’

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‘Ask me anything’

I have been answering quite a large volume of messages recently, and I thought I would write some posts on the things which bother me most often, and why. I would think I am not the only Domme who is bothered by these, but your mileage may vary. ‘Ask me

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Vulnerability

Vulnerability is what, to my mind, defines submission. That is to say, it is the ingredient which elevates a series of acts, be they sexual, or otherwise, from a game to a facet of reality. It is a rather intangible thing and, while this is not my first attempt to

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